When Your Inner Critic Affects Your Success
inner critic
You and I are constantly hit over the head with the rather negative messages of our inner critic. That inner critic that is ultimately the little dick friend we can't shake and won't ever shut the fuck up. That inner critic brings sorrow, pain, and shame with you wherever you go.
Some of us have turned to substances, or control, or codependency or daydreaming to keep from dealing with it. Worse yet having given in to listening to it and thinking it's right. This then leaves us stuck repeating the same cycles of life, frustrated we can't make meaningful progress and wondering if this how it's supposed to be.
Yes and no. Your shadow is here to be acknowledged so you can then step fully into your powerful and authentic self.
What is the shadow?
Your inner critic, also known as your shadow, is here not to be the petulant jerk constantly trying to get you to see your negative qualities 24/7, but rather for you to acknowledge, accept it and use it for pushing you into the greatest time of your life.
Your shadow is the stuff that you're hiding from or hiding from others, the stuff you are afraid to acknowledge and because you try to push it down inside, it keeps rearing itself like an unruly toddler.
Saturn and Pluto, in your natal chart, tells you a lot about your shadow self and what you need to address so you can finally address the skeletons in your own closet. While some believe that your shadow is formed within childhood by your family and conditioning by elders in your formative years, I tend to believe that we're born with it as it shows up in the natal chart.
And if I went down the rabbit hole I'd then say something to the effect about reincarnation, people getting new roles in this lifetime however played by the same souls from the last time as we continue to grow in our spiritual journey, but we'll put a pin in that for now.
We're born with unlimited potential and the ability to achieve it however our inner critic loves to make us feel embarrassed about who we really are when it isn't met with general acceptance and approval from them. Them being your parents, friends, family, the clergy, the woman next door or the random man you had a brief chat with at Starbucks.
Detecting The Shadow Self AKA The Inner Critic
We all project a beautiful, intelligent, kind and socially acceptable face to the world. I don't think that's been truer than now with social media allowing us to present the controlled image and narrative we've curated to the world.
At the same time, we try feverishly to push back or hide the qualities that we know do not fit the socially acceptable persona in one way or another.
We also try (at least consciously although sometimes we catch the subconscious slip in others if we're paying attention) to hide our feelings of inadequacy, hatred, rage, jealousy, competition, lust, shame and whatever behaviors we know that society would shut down quicker than the bot that sends us to Facebook jail.
Before we dive too deep here, I do want you to know that doing shadow work doesn't mean you're diving in the deep end of the pool with the devil. (Which coincidentally happens to also be the Devil card in the Tarot associated with your shadow.) There are beautiful things about your shadow like your most powerful gifts and talents that offer you a tremendous opportunity for growth when you become an active participant in lifting that veil.
So how could you identify your shadow? Ask yourself:
What do you avoid?
When you're sad, how does that come about?
What are you addicted to?
When you're angry, how does that come about?
What do you do to self-medicate?
What are the things about yourself that you fear if others found out do you believe they won't love you anymore?
While your shadow is the part you try to hide from the world, it is always with you and even though it is uncomfortable to look at it, you must look at it. Knowing that it isn't to be destroyed nor can you even destroy it even if you wanted to.
You're here to learn from it, appreciate what it is here to teach you and integrate it so you can become the person that others look up to.
Looking deeply into the mirror and seeing what has been motivating your actions where not all of them are not in alignment with your highest good allows you to see where your soul is stuck making transformation seem unattainable. But the good news is that you don't have to stay stuck because finding the advantage in your imperfections will allow you to finally attract those who are here to help you be the best version of yourself.
My Shadow Self
Spending time with a therapist can be a beautiful thing (I've done my time there), but when I took a gander at my natal chart, I was shocked. My birth chart opened my eyes to the fact that I had yet to work on my shadow thoroughly. Maybe the same is true for you, and that's why I'm sharing it here.
Saturn in my Twelfth House
Saturn in my Twelfth House gives me a blockage in having a self-conscious personality able to nit-pick myself to death. While at the same time I'm compassionate and sympathetic to the problems of others. Basically, I have more compassion and empathy for others and practically nothing for myself.
I tend to experience a sense of imagined mental imprisonment which lends to me withdrawing from the world (*cough* social media *cough*). I have a strong urge for spiritual evolution where my lesson is to deepen the knowledge of who I really am, discover my true self, and learn to love the person that I uncover in the process. Which then allows me to helps others on an entirely new level than ever before. Which then leads us to...
Pluto in my Second House
I associate a sense of achievement with material possessions as well as find myself accumulating possessions (*cough* crystals, purses, shoes *cough*) in a compulsive way for no apparent reason. I need to overcome my tendency where I obsess on having "enough" which I falsely believe proves tangibly that I am worthy by the crap I've been able to buy.
I could say looking back that I didn't feel like I was enough in my career as an interior designer and so I got the certifications, joined the associations to prove I was enough yet I never felt embraced by that community. Holy mind fuckery right there, right?
When I thoroughly acknowledge (it's a lifetime journey) that I am already worthy then I will become liberated and no longer need to accumulate or prove myself to others along with already being able to show the compassion I show to others finally to myself.
Your Inner Critic Is The Skeleton In Your Closet You Need To Let Out
Depending on what your natal chart reveals, your shadow could reveal inconsistency, codependency, martyrdom, low self-esteem, or feeling like you don't belong to name a few. It will show up in so many aspects of your life and you know what - even when you've identified your shadow and work on it that inner critic will continue to show up because we're human. Remember, it's a lifetime work that even when identified can and will rear its ugly head if it is ignored for too long.
However, acknowledging and calling it out is an important first step to accepting who you are and being able to fully share all of your gifts with the world. You'll be able to understand who you are and what motivates you which can help you avoid the potholes in life because when you get stuck in one of those potholes you tend to do things that keep you from living your most authentic and magical life.
You'll also find that when you discover what your shadow self looks like that when you see the same actions, behaviors, and feelings in others that you can either get angry or judge them for it. I know I've lost relationships in the past because of my shadow and other times the relationship was lost because of the other person's shadow.
For me, a lot of times I'm frustrated when there are people in my life that are afraid to take the leap because they don't believe they are" good" enough. Sometimes I have a falling out with others and have refused to fix it because I felt unworthy and ran from the relationship because it was easier to run than stand up for and believe in myself.
As uncomfortable as this acknowledgment of negative qualities of the inner critic is, it allows us to take control of those irrational actions that haven't helped us. From the point that we are aware of it, we can then see that as Carolyn Kaufman wrote: "the shadow is the seat of creativity."
The Inner Critic Hides Your Creativity
Creativity can be an elusive bugger and when you identify your shadow you will be able to reach new levels of creativity because you've untethered yourself from the limiting beliefs of that inner critic while at the same time allowing the positive and untapped potential to guide you.
If you look back to your development, you may even see where people in your childhood, family, peers, educators who condemned the positive aspects of your shadow - most likely out of their own jealousy, envy or fear. And while we tried to be the “good” child by wanting to make sure to fit into their social norms left us repressing those traits.
The first step is to acknowledge the shadow self qualities and intentions then it becomes a life-long process of working with it to integrate the shadow. While focusing on the best parts of who you are can keep you on a path where you don't achieve your highest potential.
Crystals To Embrace + Work With Your Shadow
Dragonstone will help you find the power to disintegrate self-doubt, sadness, and fear
Clear Quartz can be programmed to help you reach any goal
Covellite will help you on this journey to bring the shadow side to the surface so you can integrate it into your life. It is also a stone for support while identifying your karmic patterns in order for you to release them. While it’s a great stone for the third eye, it’s also a very grounding stone, too.
Invocation: I call forth my shadow from the depths of my soul and I affirm today that the path to healing and integration has begun.
Even if you don't think you have a dark side because you're a good person with a good dose of self-esteem and generosity the world hasn't seen since Mother Teresa was on Earth, you do have a shadow side. All humans have a light and dark side.
Now is the time to start the journey of fully accepting yourself - warts and all. We are all of those things and once you let the skeletons out of your closet they can't hold power over you anymore.